Too difficult to talk about….
This is from David Hansen.
I was in Barnes and Noble the other day. As I often do, I was wandering through the religion section, seeing if there was anything new that caught my eye. I was at the end of one aisle, and I heard a group of teenage girls talking at the opposite end. As is often the case, these girls were talking loud enough that one couldn’t help but over hear them.
One was talking to the others about how hard it was for her to talk with her parents about something. She has tried and tried, but she (and they) are just too uncomfortable.
Then I heard one of the girls say, “Why wouldn’t you want to talk about this, about Jesus?” The girl was, apparently, having trouble talking with her parents about faith. They stayed in the religion section for a while, talking about how it can be difficult talking with the ones we love most about the things that are most important to us.
I was astounded. These girls — at an age when most researchers tell us they shouldn’t care about faith — were struggling with the hard questions of faith, and the adults in their lives were too _______ to help them in their struggle.
I am a Lutheran pastor. I spend my life talking about faith. This was my day off, I was in another town, I was in my “civvies” (not wearing a collar), and I said nothing. Why? I have lived in the South for the majority of my adult life.
Even with my collar on, I have been approached by more people than I can count who want to force their faith on everyone they meet. I am afraid to appear to be that person. I am afraid to be “too pushy,” “too nosy,” or too forceful about the Gospel with strangers in public. I think many of us share those fears.
But what would have happened if I had stopped and talked to those girls? And of course there is the other issue: How many of us think it is too personal, too touchy, and so we don’t talk about our faith with our children? How many young people are there out there like these girls, unable to talk about the most important thing in life with their parents?
October 26th, 2006 · 5 Comments
Categories: OA Stories
Helen said
am October 26 2006 @ 3:51 am
David, wow, you raise so many excellent points.
I think you were probably right not to step in, in this case – after all, you weren’t invited into their conversation. And the point was about how they have trouble talking to adults about their struggles. So having an adult ‘butt in’ might not have felt ok to them.
Perhaps what you can do with what you overheard is think about how there may be teenagers in your own church who struggle with the same issues – and maybe you can think of a way to help them and their parents communicate better about such things.
I always felt sad reading comments on discussion boards to the effect “I can’t talk to my parents about this” or even “I haven’t told anyone else about this”. I always encourage people to try telling whoever they can think of that they most trust. Often it works out better than they feared. When we’re afraid I think we tend to see other people too one-dimensionally. We forget that they are complex and human too and might be so happy we confided in them that they respond with kindness and grace rather than condemnation.
Ironically, our fears of what they will think of us drive us into being unfair to them by prejudging their response, rather than giving them the opportunity to respond.
Pastor David said
am October 26 2006 @ 9:12 am
Helen,
Thanks for your encouragement that I followed the right course of action in this particular case.
I, too, am saddened by young persons who want a deeper faith, but feel uncomfortable seeking out the sort of guidence / comfort / advice that should be being given by parents and the church. I think it is a real failing of contemporary Christians and the church that we raise children without teaching them how to talk and discuss the important issues of life.
Bruce Logue said
am October 26 2006 @ 9:16 am
David, I just had a conversation with a young woman about this very issue of being “pushy.” She does not want anyone to force themselves on her, and neither does she want to do the reverse.
Like the teens you overheard, I think she speaks for a whole generation of people who are better served by listening and waiting.
Thanks for sharing this experience with us.
Pam Hogeweide said
am October 30 2006 @ 12:36 pm
the other reality, too, is that whenever a man interacts with teenage girls he does not know it can be misunderstood. you did right not interupting them, and instead letting it become a learning moment in your own life. sometimes being quiet is harder and wiser than speaking up
Pastor David said
am October 30 2006 @ 2:34 pm
Pam,
Thanks for your words of support.
It is a difficult line to walk. There are, predominently, two main groups of Christians when it comes to evangelism. On the one hand, there are those who seem (at least to me) pushy and overbearing about their faith. On the other hand, there are those who think faith is entirely a private matter, and do not talk about it at all (most Lutherans fall into this camp).
I think that if we want to be true to the Gospel – both to the command to bear witness to the Christ and to the command to love our neighbor – we must find some middle road.