That Extra Little Question
One evening, I came out from the grocery store and a strange looking young man standing outside asked me for a few dollars to get some gas so he could get home to a town about twenty miles away. I opened my purse and gave him the few dollars that I had and said, “God bless.” His response was interesting. He said, “God Bless you, too. People like you are rare.”
I look back at that moment and remember walking away as he said it. I didn’t give him much eye contact and I didn’t stop and ask him why he thought people like me were rare, thinking I knew. You know, I should have asked because that extra little question might’ve gotten me past the barrier that exists between me, a middle-aged woman living the American dream, and a young kid just barely getting by.
I’ve been reading Shane Claiborne’s new book “The Irresistible Revolution,” and I think that he should’ve renamed it because the kind of revolution he is talking about is totally resistible. I resist it all the time and frankly, right now I am ashamed of myself. The fact is Shane Claiborne convicts me to my very core.
I had convinced myself that I could live the safe life. I figured I could throw a few dollars at a young kid outside a grocery store, and because this young man was grateful, I felt good about myself. I fell asleep that night thinking what a gracious Christian I am, but the truth is, I never even dared look the kid in the eye. Part of me really wanted to stop and ask why the kid couldn’t get to a town not far away, but I couldn’t muster up the courage for that kind of in-depth interaction. Besides, I had groceries in my cart. No, instead I solved it all with a few dollars and a “God Bless.”
It isn’t that I haven’t had the opportunity, either. God has sent me plenty of opportunities, but I have exactly made use of them. I touted the merits of community, but my community is with those I am comfortable with. Shane Claiborne quotes Dietrich Bonhoeffer who said, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community (even if their intentions are ever so earnest), but the person who loves those around them will create community.”
Today, I stand here convicted, because I thought I was creating community, but I was still insulated. I was insulated from the homeless, the weird, the ugly, the drunks, the mentally ill, and the list goes on.
Sure, maybe what I am doing is a start, and it’s more than some people are doing, but that doesn’t excuse me. In the end, I am still spending my weekends sitting poolside with a cold drink in my hand while less than a mile away in a riverbed someone lives under a bush drinking a warm bottle of whatever.
I wish I had some real courage. Courage to ask that extra little question that would break the barrier between me and that weird looking kid who asked for a few bucks. I remember sitting in my car and waiting to see if actually went to the gas station. He did.
July 2nd, 2007 · 4 Comments
Categories: OA Stories
Jim said
am July 2 2007 @ 8:35 pm
April
Beautifully written and expressed.
I of course identify with your self reflection on the hypcrisy we middle class people live in.
We just dont have to feel it or see it that often. (try living in India and you’ll feel like a hyper hypocrite)
However- One of the reasons I am a follower of the way of Jesus is because the founder of my movement while certainly caring for the poor also
1) Spent the first 30 years of his life doing nothing out of the ordinary (a lot like me)
2) Walked over sick people to get to one reluctant guy at a pool to heal him
3) Invited himself to a tax collectors house - ate dinner and said nothing profound
4) Said - The Son can only do what the Father shows him to do (Jn 5:19)
5) Said - No man takes my life from me - I lay it down of my own free will ( he had a will)
6) At his most profound point of suffering asked to be let off the hook adnd failing that turned to 3 people who were about to betray him and asked them to pray for him.
I love Jesus because he was human - without that I am uninterested
Helen said
am July 3 2007 @ 5:49 am
Last winter someone approached me in the grocery store parking lot who said she needed money to buy diapers. I didn’t know if it was true but decided to give her some. She gave me a huge hug and said “Black love!” I was a bit shocked but liked it.
Even if it was a lie (who knows - maybe, maybe not) I helped her be a bit happier. I’ve never seen her again.
I know what you mean though - it’s such a small thing compared to the needs out there.
I try to remember it’s still better than nothing. I like how Paul says ‘think of yourself with sober judgment’. For a long time I thought that meant “Don’t think of yourself too highly” but then I realized, actually it means have an accurate view of yourself. If you do a good thing don’t dismiss it. Just don’t assume you’re ‘there’ already because of one small thing. I like how Jesus praised someone by saying “you’re near the kingdom” (I hope I didn’t already say this here - I think I just said it on someone else’s blog). To me that perfectly balances - “you are doing well!” with “keep going!”
carmen said
am July 3 2007 @ 8:17 am
april, thank you for writing about this: for articulating — “naming” –something that will haunt and hopefully motivate me. that barrier is there for me too - an uncomfortable one, one that keeps me from looking in the eyes of others. your willingness to share your experience helps me because it identifies one of my flaws/bends towards sin that, being aware, i can begin to work with God to change. (and jim and helen, thanks for the reminder of jesus’ humanity and words - uber encouraging).
i love this quote!
Ordinary Attempts - said
am July 16 2007 @ 8:22 am
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