Sometimes I Wish I Hadn’t Picked Up The Phone
by Darrin Munson
Yesterday I got one of those calls.
He needed a ride to get some money or he was going to be kicked out of his one room studio. It was an emergency. I had things to do, I had to go to work in a few hours, and I really had no desire to again enter into his life and be confronted with all of the chaos and hurt. I really just wanted to say I was too busy to help.
So, at 8:30 in the morning, I drove downtown to pick him up and hear the whole story. He had gone on a drinking binge (again), got in a fight with his girlfriend, and she left, taking what little they had. This caused a downward spiral into a deeper multi-day drinking binge, and now he was broke, lonely, and on the verge of being homeless. I had already resolved not to allow myself to believe his excuses, or to lend any money, but there was something about the way he kept telling me, “I really f-ed this up”, that made me realize that God was already working here.
I wish I could say that in our brief time together in the car he surrendered to the way of Jesus, miraculously was healed of his alcohol addiction, turned his life around, and found a few thousand dollars on the street. Instead, we found a way to get him enough money to pay this months rent (he even offered gas money to me), and we had a few disjointed conversations about God and His love for all people. He gave me the classic line that he was already on his way to hell, but he didn’t understand why bad things happened to the “good” people he knew. He’d given up on God but he didn’t understand why God had given up on others. Amid his ramblings I tried to share that God did care about him, and that He wanted the best for him, to experience real life. It was in the middle of this that he uttered these words that nearly brought me to tears:
“I know that…otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.”
Wow! Are you serious? Really? I didn’t even want to be there. I really didn’t have any hope for him, and would have done anything to avoid being there. And yet, in spite of myself, God allowed His love to be incarnated in me! To this hopeless man, miraculously, I appeared as the love of God. What an honor.
I dropped him off at his apartment, told him I loved him, that he would be in my prayers, and that was the end of it. I don’t know what will happen next. I don’t even know how much of his story was true. But I do know that God’s love showed up in my car yesterday, without me even really wanting it to, and it got me thinking. How many other people in my life are searching desperately for the love of God, but no one is showing up to reveal it to them? How many of us miss out on chances to be Jesus to others because we’re to busy, or because it is too messy? And I wonder…how many people are just waiting to be able to say to us, “I know that God loves me…otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.”
This story was first posted on Darrin’s blog, The Pneuma Project
March 26th, 2008 · 3 Comments
Categories: OA Stories
Jim said
am March 27 2008 @ 2:28 am
I wish more people could hear the voice of God when he uses this kind of language
Thanks
April Terry said
am March 27 2008 @ 12:02 pm
Not every story ends tied up with a nice little bow, does it. Most stories have messy endings because people are messy and unresolved. What you did was to show God’s love without worrying about the outcome. The outcome is God’s business.
We all have those messy friends whose lives seem to be filled with turmoil, but our example of a life lived with peace is worth offering to them.
Keep caring, Darrin!
Ken said
am March 28 2008 @ 3:22 pm
Darrin,
I’ve been there. For over a year I worked with a broken life much like the one you describe. I thought “I” was making headway when one day he really got ticked at me when I told him (for the millionth time) that he had to start taking responsibility for himself. He opened the door at the next red light, got out, slammed the door and walked out of my life (after my wife and I had made huge time, trouble and money investments in his life).
I saw him again many years later in an inner city rooming hotel. Nothing had really changed. He didn’t even recognize me. I often wondered if we had really heard the Lord in making the investment we did.
Years later I realized that it was very possible that people who had eaten loaves and fish from Jesus’ hand had in the end raised their hands and shouted “Crucify Him!” And I realized all over again His motivation was compassion for humanity and not just another page in His ’success book’.
The pupil is not greater than the Teacher.