When I was about twenty-five, I volunteered with a theatre group and performed as the femme fatale in a murder mystery troupe. There were no scripts for this job, and so I fashioned myself as a throwback torch singer from the 30’s who was both a temptress and a money-digger. It was fun, funny, and always changing, and I learned a lot about connecting with people.

Part of the fun of doing the murder mystery was that it was a non-threatening way to be social. I didn’t really have to worry about rejection because ultimately they were rejecting my made up character and not me.

Doing the murder mysteries taught me a lot about people, though. For one thing, people tend to say the same things when fed the same lines. This works well for someone doing improv because you can draw them in with a particular question, get the answer you want, and snag them with a zinger afterward. It’s all done in good fun, of course, with me always being the winner. The fun came in when someone did something unusual.

When doing this kind of improv, there is an expected interaction with the people attending the event. Because of this, it becomes a very relational type of experience. During the time that I worked with the murder mystery troupe, I got very good at initiating contact with others and fielding theirs as well. I learned that initiating contact is something that we learn to do and something that we improve upon. Of course, for some it is harder than others, but everyone has it in themselves to initiate contact with someone they don’t know.

I also learned that it isn’t as hard as one might think. A quick joke, a pointed question, or a random observation said aloud, is often all it takes to open a person standing next to you at a department store. Once that contact is made, you will find yourself sharing information about discounts you found throughout the store or sharing about your 40% discount on top of the 20% discount of your coupon. That makes standing in line a lot more tolerable.

Of course, everyone came in to our murder mysteries ready to have fun, and in many situations, people aren’t coming in with that expectation at all, but when the unusual happens to people I find that expectations often change. I like it when people change my expectations on any given situation. I loved it when a person came to our production and tried to stump me with the unusual answers or strange comments.

Expectations can change in a moment. I remember a time when my husband and I went to the video store and a sour looking girl was trying to find our account. My husband said that his name was Jim, and she couldn’t seem to find our account. Finally, after several minutes, she said, “All I have is a James.” My husband calmly responded, “That’s it. Jim is short for James.” She responded nastily, “Are you serious? I have never heard that before.”

Suddenly, my expectation was that I was going to have straighten this young woman out, and my temper flared. I took a step forward, ready to unleash my fury all over her, but my husband put his arm out and stopped my forward motion. Just then, we both heard a chuckle come from behind the young woman from a red-headed young man about her age. “I can’t believe you just said that,” he said and he laughed out loud. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!”

The thing about this story is that the young woman never changed her attitude even after she was laughed at, but our attitudes did change. We changed because the young man made us realize just how ridiculous the situation really was, and that we shouldn’t be drawn into her negativity. We found ourselves laughing along with him as we left the store.

In a moment, our expectations can change and we can change expectations. It just takes us to change our focus and search for the treasure in the situation and to be ready for it. That’s easy for me to say today, when I am perky and upbeat, but on those days when everything goes wrong, it’s not as easy. Even so, those are the times when maybe it is most important to add in a little spice of the unexpected.

Jesus was all about the unexpected. When He was asked a question, He responded with one and it created a sort of interesting interlude that often bypassed the brain and went straight for the heart. By His example, it’s easy to see why taking unexpected side journeys in conversation opens people up to one another.