Middle Seat Intimacy
I don’t usually talk to people on airplanes. This may surprise you, since I am an evangelist, but I don’t really like people that much so I try to keep to myself if I can. I couldn’t last night on my flight from San Diego to Reno.
I had to squeeze into a middle seat on the very crowded airplane. I thought I needed to do some small talk with the people who were now forced to become somewhat physically intimate with me (I take up ALL of a standard airline seat and then some…which is why I try to get an isle seat usually), so I introduced myself and offered to use my free drink coupons to buy them a drink once we got in the air. “If we’re going to sweat on each other, we might as well enjoy it.” This sort of took the edge off the awkwardness.
The guy in the aisle seat asked me what I did in Reno, and I told him (and everyone in ear’s range who were now listening in) that I helped people who were following Jesus how to share their faith with others without being a jerk. Several people around us quietly chuckled at that moment, and it sort of cleared the way for some real conversation. Well, that and my free drink coupons.
It took a while to get the plane off the ground, and it got sort of quiet as we taxied. I began to “notice” my seat pals, but especially the gal in the window seat. She looked really tired, and I assumed she had been at the San Diego Chargers game because she was (like many on the plane) wearing a Chargers jersey. (I found out later that she had not. She had just come down for a few days to “get away” with a couple of girlfriends who lived in San Diego over the weekend). The incredibly high pitched squeals from the 18 month old behind us was making both of my seat buddies hold their ears in pain…but the pain appeared to be intensified in my window seat partner, who at one point said to no one in particular, “Ok…that’s ENOUGH” as she was jolted awake by one of the child’s penetrating squeals.
When the drinks came she began to talk, and I began to listen. She was a 41 year-old single mom from a town near Portland, OR. She admitted she was a bit hung over from the weekend’s festivities with a girlfriend in San Diego (which I had already surmised by her reddened eyes and tendency to doze off…even before we left the ground). She has her own house cleaning business which is doing very well despite the economic downturn. She has two kids from different fathers (never married); one is nine and one is 15…both good looking boys, at least in the pictures she showed me. Her extended family doesn’t speak to one another, but she had no idea why. Her mother just died in June. Her step father told her he loved her for the first time right after her mom died. She feels very alone, and would get married if she could find a decent guy who could actually “bring something to the table” other than bad habits and unemployment, but until then she is determined to stay single.
I was amazed, once again, at how much people will tell you about themselves if we can just listen. I didn’t have to do more than ask where she lived and she talked for the rest of the flight. She gave me her business card and I told her I would try to connect her with a friend I knew up in that area who also cleans houses (and who also knows Jesus, but I decided to let her discover that herself). I deplaned in Reno, and as I did I looked back at my new friend. She looked sad again, and we said goodbye to one another. I prayed for her behind her back, and today I am praying for her again. May God have his way with her and her boys.
-Randy
November 10th, 2008 · 7 Comments
Categories: OA Stories
Elaine said
am November 12 2008 @ 5:16 pm
good job. all we want is somebody to listen to us - really listen. nice OA. See there are some benefits to all the traveling we’ve been doing lately. to brighten another’s day - to come alongside them - even for a brief time - to lighten their load.
it’s a blessing.
Randy said
am November 24 2008 @ 5:19 pm
Thanks, Elaine. Nonetheless…I’m glad to be done with the airline travel for a while. Perhaps I can take the time home to figure out how to take up less space in a standard airline seat!
Jon said
am December 4 2008 @ 12:47 pm
Randy
I find myself in similar situations all the time and like you I don’t really “like people” especially when i’m on a plane. But however God usually uses those times for me to impact somebody’s life in some way shape or form. Whether it be listening, small talk, and the occasional connection for a future friendship. All this to just to encourage you and keep on keeping on.
Randy said
am December 4 2008 @ 7:29 pm
Thanks, Jon. I appreciate the encouragement!
Tom said
am December 9 2008 @ 8:33 am
Randy,
This is my first visit to this site and it is part of a reading assignment for a class I am taking. I had to laugh when you said “I am an evangelist, but I don’t really like people.” The Lord has called me into vocational ministry and that is the same thing I have been telling Him and anyone else who will listen, I really don’t like people. Its not that I do not care about them, because I do. How do you work around this in your life?
Randy said
am December 9 2008 @ 12:03 pm
Tom,
First…what kind of class are you taking (and WHERE) that makes reading on our site a HOMEWORK assignment??? Wow! Obviously a really cool educational institution. Cutting edge. Brilliant teacher.
Second…vocational ministry doesn’t necessarily mean “evangelism” which is my particular spiritual gift. Of course, you’d have a similar dilemma in any vocational ministry if you don’t really like people much, but evangelism is particularly people oriented (I know several people employed in full time ministry who serve in roles that don’t require a lot of people contact…administrators, computer people, grapic design folks, etc.).
So my particular gifting is evangelism, which means (partially) that I help usher people into the Kingdom of God. That would REQUIRE a lot of contact with people. I try to avoid this, but part of my journey has led me to serve in capacities that put me in front of a lot of people, and around lots of people. And then stuff happens. The gift overwhelms my natural cynicism and reluctance to engage, and my heart literally changes in seconds when the Lord prompts me.
So I am a reluctant evangelist, but the gift isn’t really about me at all. It’s about HIM, and HIS agenda for the world. The fact that someone with my disposition would have this gift is sort of a pragmatic proof of it’s existence, to me at least. It also suggests that God has a really interesting sense of humor.
And here’s something that has been ignored too long in the Christian church. Every spiritual gift is about equipping the saints (Eph 4, right?). This would include the spiritual gift of evangelism, which has in recent centuries become some kind of special annointing that gives you super powers to persuade people to believe what you (and/or your particular brand of christianity) believe. This is where I am being redirected in my life. I am compelled by Christ to use my gift to equip the saints, not just to impress them. Every follower of Jesus should be engaged with the mandate of Jesus to make disciples. Evangelists should be leading the way to make that happen…for everyone.
Of course I still feel prompted by the Spirit to verbally proclaim the Gospel to people at times (both one-on-one and in front of groups), but I think Jesus is asking me, in this latter stage of my life and career, to get more of His team into the game by equipping them with doable ways to play. That’s what this whole DE project is about. It’s my new life’s work.
Does this make sense? Did I come close to answering your question?
Elaine said
am December 9 2008 @ 3:44 pm
Randy - loved your response - equipping the saints with doable ways of evangelizing - getting us non-evengelist types in the game with “you evangelists”.
It was quite lovely to read your response. You should be a writer.
thanks, E