Falling Off the Pedestal
In May of 1965, I was born the fourth daughter of a growing family. My mother later wrote in a baby book that she cried on that day because my dad wanted a boy. I read it. Some would’ve been offended by that, but I kind of laughed and I teased my embarrassed mom about it. I guess I always found humor in the irony that my dad had to wait until number five and six to get sons (not to mention that he was forever outnumbered by the female gender).
The later arrival of my younger brother was a great day for my dad, but the stories of the great celebration were always funny to me. In spite of all of his hopes and dreams, it was a sad surprise to him to learn that his sons were born human. That became evident to me the day that he took both myself and my younger brother out to learn to drive. I had a little trouble, but my brother did somewhat better and my dad arrived home proud and boasting about how boys were just “natural” at these things. Three days later, the “natural” drove the car into the garage door. I’m still laughing at that one, too, because the dent is still there after all these years. Whether or not my dad or mom were right or wrong about that, I chose to view my relationship with them in a more pragmatic way.
There is a pedestal that we tend to put people on and it almost always collapses out from under them because, unfortunately, we are all human and all prone to human error. We like to hear about celebrities whose looks or talents are perfect and whose lives seem charmed, but they fall off their pedestals as well even when they try to live the perfect life.
In God’s eyes, all of us are equal and created each to be equal and unique. Though some will reach great heights in certain areas, they will fail in others. In fact, the bible shows over and over how God took the men and women with the most humble circumstances and used them to further His way. Jesus was born in a stable, Joseph was sold into slavery to Ishmaelites, and David was a simple sheepherder who slayed a giant. I find the stories enlightening, interesting, and hopeful.
Putting someone on a pedestal creates a set of expectations on our part. That person either has to constantly live up to those expectations or they fall off the pedestal and disappoint us all. How we handle the people after they fall off the pedestal is sometimes where you find the greatest and worst that humanity has to offer.
I find that when I think of everyone as being born into the same family, it is easier for me to release them from a set of expectations that I might want to apply to them. It makes for a better relationship in the end because one begins to approach every new relationship with hope. A hopeful relationship means that I can let them be who they are without expecting them to be what I want them to be and when I don’t put them on a pedestal, well, then, I don’t have to watch them fall off of it–and that’s being gracious to them and me.
February 9th, 2009 · 4 Comments
Categories: DE Thoughts
Randy Siever said
am February 9 2009 @ 3:40 pm
I haven’t been able to release my family from a set of expectations (without just ingoring them) until recent years. I probably had more expectations (unfulfilled) for them than anyone else. Of course, my family is highly dysfunctional and pock-marked by a wide array of addictions over the decades, so there was probably less grace left for them than most as I was growing up (from me, anyway).
Interestingly enough, we have begun to reconnect this year in some really gracious ways…through facebook. Say what you want about social networking sites, but this one may have brought about some real healing in our broken family. And grace…my God, the grace.
What if YOU are the one on the pedestal, and you didn’t put yourself there (you know…you’re the ‘white sheep’ of the family, or you’re a pastor, or both)?
And not to beat a proverbial dead horse, but I think your suggestions might be helpful when those we put on a pedestal, like Ted Haggard, fall. How are we who follow Christ doing with that one?
April said
am February 9 2009 @ 10:42 pm
Geesh, you bring up some good issues, Randy…I have always felt that there was a certain amount of isolation for those who are pastors. You are expected to live by a higher standard or face the consequences of those who yell “hypocrit!” However, I have always said that there are plenty of hypocrits outside the church as well. We just don’t watch them.
It’s doubtful that you are the first person to make his dysfunctional family uncomfortable for being the white sheep. Joseph was and got sold into slavery by his own siblings. Sometimes, families are hard to ignore, but you have probably done something right over the years. If that weren’t true, Facebook would have had no impact at all….
Robert said
am February 22 2009 @ 3:01 am
I really liked this post. I had a ted haggard-like experience. I was a youth minister newly hired at a little church and had a sin issue involving sexual conduct which caused me to have to resign. I found a wide mixture of responses I encountered from friends and other believers, a lot of pain inside over my own failure and fall. i am curious of adding to a discussion of how to carry out DE after such a fall??? This happened back in 1987 and i am again actively involved in serving, but wonder how people view moving past the fall and moving on being restored?
Randy said
am February 22 2009 @ 11:50 am
Robert,
thanks for writing and sharing some of your story. I want to understand your question better. Is it this part?
Or this part?
Or both? Maybe I could help frame the question for you, but I’d need to hear a bit more about your story (write me at randy@doableevangelism dot com). DE is a spiritual practice that anyone can do, regardless of their current or past spiritual circumstances. For example, Ted Haggard would be wise to continue to pray and read his Bible and meditate. Nobody thinks these spiritual practices are reserved for those who have never fallen (and of course everyone has fallen…some more publicly than others). DE (or “Ordinary Attempts” are simply a spiritual practice that we submit should become a very natural part of our relationship with Jesus, as normal as reading our Bible or praying.