I met a friend for lunch on Good Friday. We both had the day off, and normally we are restricted to just an hour to share everything that is going on. On Friday, though, we had plenty of time to get out all we wanted to say and to share. So, there we sat at a local restaurant and used up one of their tables for three hours.

During our conversation, I shared with my friend some of the struggles that I have been through recently. Some might think that bringing up those kinds of struggles would be a real downer for someone who is going through things themselves. In fact, my friend recently lost her mother, but I have found that having that kind of transparency in conversation actually opens people up to being transparent themselves about the things that are troubling them. The result was that where we could have been having a limited conversation about the weather or work, instead we had a thorough and meaningful interaction that included sharing ideas of faith, love, and struggle.

For me, struggle is where I see God working the most. He lingers in the shadows of my hardships almost like a net beneath a tightrope walker. I told my friend the struggle I have been having and how the spring had suddenly bloomed for me bringing in a burst of newness and a sense of renewed strength. She shared her own struggles in the depths of her sadness and loss and her hope for that same renewal. We talked about how sometimes going through the motions is all we can do, but when we finally reach the other side, God is there waiting for us on the shoreline of our spirits welcoming us back in to port. These conversations would never happen if I didn’t start with my own confessions of failure. Instead, my friend would tell me that she was doing fine and that she had it all under control or maybe she just wouldn’t call.

It’s a sharp contrast with what I grew up with. I grew up in small community where most people tried to sweep their problems under the rug, and to avoid directly speaking of them altogether. In this kind of atmosphere, the wound is allowed to fester and no real healing comes from it. Sadness and loss develop into anger and distrust, and eventually, the entire beauty of the community is overshadowed by its secrets or rumors of secrets. That is one reason that I believe in full disclosure.

Through my confession of weakness, I saw a little tear forming on my friend’s left eye. I have suffered no major losses, only small difficulties of things that I have struggled to put behind me, small mountains that I labored to climb, but she heard the struggle and recognized it in her own life and once again, through opening my own wounds, my hope is that my friend was able to feel a little less alone and a little more loved.