by April Terry (http://faithwarming.blogspot.com)

Recently, I stood up for something that I really believed in.  I challenged something that I felt was wrong, and I lost the battle.  It does me no good to go on about the details of this event, but it was something that I really stuck my neck out on and because it meant a lot to me, I

staged a battle.  I lost the war.  On the other side of this battle was a person who was victorious in it.  This person obviously believed just as strongly on the opposite front as me.  My anger burned.

Then, this same victor needed help.  The call went out for those who would give this person what they needed, and I had a choice.  I could quietly refuse and no one would ever know or I could give what I had to give.  I considered it.  Why should I give, I asked myself?  Why should I offer my grace to this person who wronged me?  Why should I care?  Who would know if I didn’t do anything?  Then, I remembered that I would know.  I would know that I was not a person of forgiveness.  I would know that I didn’t practice what I preach.  I would know.

So, without saying a word to anyone, I gave double what I would normally give.  I didn’t do it so that I could get a pat on the back from anyone because believe me, I am no saint in this issue.  Until today, I haven’t told anyone.  I did it because I knew that it was the right way to live, and I did it because I knew that it was hard for me to do it.  I gave twice as much because I wanted to tell myself that this life that I have chosen will mean nothing unless I am willing to go that extra mile.  I gave double because of my hesitation.

It’s always the hardest to love those who aren’t easy love, isn’t it?  The ones who wrong us and take advantage of us are the ones who are most difficult to give our grace to, and yet, those are probably the ones whom we should give it to the most.  Matthew 5:46 says, “For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?  Do not even tax collectors do the same?”

Just by giving double to this person doesn’t mean that I have miraculously forgive them.  I am far from finished with that process, but it did shed the light on an area that I needed to look at.  It made me realize that just saying I forgive someone or just saying that I’m moving on doesn’t mean that I have and it doesn’t necessarily mean that I can really show love to this person, either.  Tolerating someone I have a conflict with is one thing, but showing love to a person I don’t get along with is still pretty hard for me, I won’t lie to you.  But I have to get this thing right.  I have made a commitment to live a new way, the Kingdom lifestyle, and if I can’t release the grip that I have on my anger and sense of righteous justice then nothing has really changed in me.  I have to learn to love the unloveable.  I have to learn to give double to those who won’t appreciate it or won’t be grateful for it or won’t care anymore or less for me because of it.  After all, I haven’t always been so loveable myself, and still Jesus was able to love me.