Whenever someone goes on Jury duty at my office, the same old conversation crops up and we all start telling our jury duty horror stories.  Nearly all of us have that one story of getting into the jury room after sitting patiently through the trial, thinking that conviction is going to be easy, but when the poll is taken one person is a holdout—not because they believe that the person didn’t do it, but because they think cops are racist, or lawyers are crooks, or judges are part of the establishment.  Whatever the reason, these holdouts in the jury room are filtering their view of the situation through the narrowest of lenses.  Sometimes, it happens because of a personal experience and other times, it is because of a bias that they have allowed to develop.

We all do it to some extent.  We see life through a lens of our own making and use that lens to interpret our understanding of people we meet and situations we encounter.  Sometimes, though, our filter is too narrow and we limit ourselves or overprotect ourselves.  It is then that our filter gets clogged and we stop learning and growing.  We become unable to understand the other side when we don’t allow ourselves the latitude to even hear the other side. 

I believe that hearing the other side is important, healthy, and loving.  I believe that if we don’t listen to the other side, we are limiting the broadness of the word of God by trying to filter it through a narrow lens–a narrow lens that may turn into a clogged filter.  Sometimes, I am more than a little horrified at the graceless rhetoric that is passed around among my fellow Christians and I fear that many of us are like the holdouts in the jury room.  We hold onto to what we know, not necessarily because there is depth of belief there, but because it is what we know.  It isn’t loving.  You know what it sounds a lot like?  It sounds to me like fear.   

John 4:11 says, “There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  I think this statement is trying to caution us against letting our filters get clogged.  If we are truly confident in our faith then there is no need to fear.  If our faith is strong, we are made complete in love.  God resides in us and we in Him.  Yet, I hear the resonance of fear in the ranks of Christianity.  Many believe that we should engage in war against other philosophies and ideologies, but they are approaching the battle in fear, not in faith.  Strong faith comes out of God’s perfect love. 

One of the reasons so many people died in the Salem witch trials was because there was a philosophy that anyone who disagreed with the religious establishment must therefore be a heretic.  Therefore, anyone who stood up against those who were in control opened themselves up to being called a heretic and a witch.  In the beginning, some stood up against the establishment, but they were put on trial along with those they had tried to defend.   Sometimes, the establishment is wrong.  We only need point to the crusades, the inquisitions, and the salem witch trials to prove that.  Healthy questioning is important.  When I hear rhetoric by brothers in Christ that social justice Christians are heretics, I am deeply saddened.   I wonder where the message of perfect love got lost.

Either we will be an example of God’s perfect love, or we will wage a war of philosophy against those we choose to filter out.   I believe that it is a war that we will lose—and we will lose badly, if we decide to take up arms against rogue philosophies.  Instead, we must face our fears and have the courage to seek out the meaning of perfect love.  We should engage in it, explore it, practice it, wrap our minds around it, and become it.  It is our legacy, our privilege, and God’s gift to us that we must spread perfect love throughout the world.

“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.  And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”   John 4:19-21

Just to give some context, Steve Murray (the pastor of LJCC) and I have been close friends for 38 years. He was one of two “best men” in my wedding, and although I’ve traveled and lived far from the beaches of California (where he’s pretty much embedded himself), we’ve stayed in touch. Some of you will remember I went to his church last spring to speak at his “True North” men’s gathering. This weekend was the fruit of that brief visit…and one more of the endless blessings of knowing Steve Murray.

I arrived around noon on Friday, and was picked up by one of Steve’s guys, curbside at the San Diego airport…in a Maseratti. David Ruyle is one of the sweetest guys you’ll ever meet, an unassuming, tender-hearted lawyer (yah…I know, I know) who actually uses that Maseratti as his daily driver. I’ve only seen one other, and have never actually ridden in one, so this was a really sweet beginning. David took me to the church to meet the tech boys, who quickly set me up for the next couple of days, making sure all the connections/links/video pieces worked. I was then Maseratti’d to lunch at the La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club, where we ate at a table that was no more than 30 feet from the beach…but still inside the restaurant. Great view of the Pacific Ocean on an amazingly beautiful day. Lunch was followed by a long walk along the beach and some wonderful conversation with David.

Eventually we had to get over to Steve’s house, but that didn’t happen until almost dinner time. The Murray cottage is such a warm and inviting place. Janet (Steve’s adorable wife) is an artist and designer, and their house reflects her in ways that are stunning yet comforting at the same time. It’s like a well thought out B&B, actually, with a small, English garden-like backyard where we spent lots of time lingering over wine, cheese, and good conversation. That pretty much describes our Friday evening, which went a bit late for us all, probably, but which was soul satisfying for me.

Saturday was the DE Seminar, which ran from 9:30 to about noon, followed by a simple BBQ lunch on the church patio. We probably had about 60 people attend (maybe more) and the room was just alive with energy and enthusiasm. The time flew by and by the time I was able to get out to the patio for lunch, the ten books I brought to sell (Jim Henderson’s “Evangelism Without Additives”) were all sold…plus two copies that I’d written in huge red letters “FOR DISPLAY ONLY—DO NOT REMOVE”. Twelve books should have garnered $120 in donations. There was twice that in the basket. And one order for 15 more copies. These folks REALLY liked this stuff.

Saturday afternoon was brutal. Steve made me go with him to the San Diego Yacht Club to spend a few hours sailing with four of his buddies. It was warm, sunny, and windy, which required me to put on sun screen and hold on for dear life as the rather large and expensive sail boat got underway quickly, riding on it’s side for much of the time. Ok…it wasn’t really brutal. IT WAS FREAKIN’ AWESOME. I don’t get to go sailing much here in the high desert, so I just stayed out of the way mostly, but I have to tell you…this was really the perfect way to spend a sunny afternoon in San Diego. Steve, Bill, Rand, and Randall…thank you so very much for letting me be part of your life. Especially part of your life Saturday afternoon!

Ok…I have to keep remembering this was a work weekend. So Saturday night was a much earlier turn-in than Friday, because, well…that was one exhausting day, with all the sun and sailing and such. I slept rather well in the Murray casa that night.

Sunday morning at LJCC rocked. Great worship services, with fantastic leadership and focus…and a lot of laughter. I had a blast teaching on 1 Peter 3:15 (you can watch it HERE if you like…it’s about 35 minutes, not including the announcements, introduction, etc.) and had tons of great conversations afterward with the folks who attended. I also got to eat outside on the patio again, but this time with about 25 Chinese students from the University of California, San Diego (UCSD…not SDSU as previously, and erroneously, reported here) who were visiting. I just became Facebook friends with one of the guys I met over lunch who had just landed in America three days before. That was a real treat.

So today I bask in the glow of La Jolla, still a bit in a daze from it all, and unable to quit smiling whenever I recall a moment or two of what happened. It appears that we might get to go back in the future, as there were a few pastors from other churches who came on Saturday and just loved the material.

I’m pretty sure I can clear my calendar for another trip to La Jolla whenever you’re ready, friends. Suffering for Jesus never felt so good.

Postscript: I have never done this, and I didn’t ask permission from the writers to do so now…but here are a couple of excerpts of emails I received from folks who were at the seminar that were really encouraging to me, and which I thought might be helpful to anyone considering booking a DE event. I’ll post them anonymously, just to be somewhat appropriate, but issue my apologies in advance to the kind people who wrote in without thinking I’d publish their comments.

“It is so liberating to approach evangelism in your doable way! (My friend) told me that it was almost as fun watching me react to your humor as it was to watch you. I am a professional speaker…and I have to tell you EVERYTHING about your content, style and power point is perfect. What a gift you are to others. Just wish I had known all this 50 years ago! I also looked at your rates (on your website) and they are so very, very reasonable. May God bless you mightily!”

“Dear Randy,
My husband…and I were so blessed by your messages about DE, humor, authenticity and just plain straight talk at LJCC. Thank YOU!”

“Dear Steve,
Today was an memorable day and I want to thank you for it. Randy was great, funny, AND believable – he convinced me that sharing our time and our hearts- our love of life in Jesus- is actually quite easy- we can do it (and have been doing it) on a scale even I can handle (on purpose)! Thanks for bringing him to us.”

“Dear Steve and Randy,
What a great weekend. If no one else has commented, please know everyone I talked to who showed up yesterday and today felt the same way. Good stuff and something we can manage in the day to day! Thanks to both of you.”

Trust is an interesting thing.  Sometimes, trust comes automatically between two people and sometimes it is built up over a number of years.  It can be damaged in a heartbeat never to return or it can endure through all manner of trials and against all odds.  The bottom line:  Trust is a choice.

Years ago, I met a friend at work and she trusted me instantly.  To this day, I don’t know why she did and it made me a little uncomfortable at first because it was so instant.  I kept a little something back because I didn’t know how to react, but after a while, she won me over and now I can say that I’m glad that she did.  She is a wonderful friend.    On the other hand, I had another friend who confessed a secret after consuming a lot of alcohol and then, in the light of day never wanted to speak about it again.  I carried her secret with me and never told a soul, but I don’t know if our relationship could continue because she was always worried that I would tell someone.  I never did.

Some people are quick to trust and others are slow to it.  In any relationship, trust is always my goal because I believe that trust is the key to moving on to the really important things in life.  So, I work to build trust in others.  I cultivate it one conversation at time.

However, I belive that I am also a person that can be trusted as well.  If I weren’t a trustworthy person, it would be harder to build those relationships.  If I couldn’t keep the personal things that people tell me personal, then all my efforts to build relationships that are built on trust are worthless.  I have had to learn to be a person who can be trusted in order to have trusting relationships because it did not come naturally to me.

Personally, I am open and transparent to most of those people I meet.  This is because I don’t have secrets of my own to harbor.  Because of that, I am able to share my own thoughts and ideas on anything in my life without holding back.  I think that if that weren’t so, others would take much longer to trust me.  Thankfully, my own transparency seems to give others the green light to open up and be transparent themselves.  I haven’t always been that way, really.  I have found that since I have grown in my relationship with Christ, I have matured in my personal relationships as well. 

Jesus looked up in a tree and saw a man named Zacchaeus up there trying to get a good look.  He announced to him that he would be dining at Zacchaeus’ house that very evening.  To some, that seemed like a crazy thing to do.  After all, Zacchaeus wasn’t exactly known to be a great guy. 
He was wealthy and it was off the backs of those he had collected taxes from, but Jesus saw into the heart of this man and because Jesus didn’t hesitate with Zacchaeus, Zacchaeus trusted him immediately and completely.  He let Jesus know that he was going to make right all the wrong that he had committed.  That’s the kind of trust that built an instant relationship between Jesus and Zacchaeus and that’s the kind of trust that we need to learn and explore.

Trust is a choice, and to be trusted, we must also be a trustworthy person.  This is the recipe that most relationships are built upon.  If we choose to have loving, trusting relationships, we must be open and willing to bare our hearts while at the same time safekeeping the soul-baring details that are being shared in the heat of the friendship.  It’s an act of love that we don’t always examine or talk about, but it’s just as important as being nice or doing good deeds for others.  Trust is not just choosing to trust others, although that’s important, but also choosing to be a person who should be trusted as well.  Of all the character traits that we strive for, being a person who can be trusted may very well be one of the most important.  I want to be a trusted friend, not just a friend.

Grandpa was in the dining room surfing the net, my nephew and son were upstairs in video game land, and my husband and I were sitting in our recliners watching TV Sunday evening when the power went out.  Suddenly, although it was still light, a silence filled our household and we were forced to find an activity that wasn’t powered by electricity.  Even the recliners on our new couch were powered by electricity and so we had to help each other out of them because we couldn’t bring them back down.  Now, because of a hiccup in the “force,” we had to sit around and talk to each other or find some other way to amuse ourselves.   Every once in a while it takes something like a power failure to realize what a different world we live in.  We don’t really have to survive the elements or live off the land.  We don’t have to struggle for survival or wonder if it will be too cold tonight.   We are the fortunate, the blessed, the elect.

In Christianity, our sense of being the “elect” is often one of the things that people are deeply offended by.  It makes others feel as though they are on the outside looking in or as if we, the elect, feel that there is something missing in them.  The ironic thing about that is, that we are only “elect” because of God and not by anything that any of us do, yet we turn our critical eyes on everyone else.  I am reminded of when the disciples argued about who would be the greatest.  Jesus’ response would be that the greatest would be a servant.  We Christians don’t always intentionally point fingers.  We use phrases like “the lost” or “outsiders” to describe those who aren’t in our faith and we use terminology that is all our own.  Anyone who has ever been an outsider of any kind knows that this kind of starting point is more of an ending point. 

So, how do we change our dialogue to be the language of inclusive rather than the exclusive?  We start by telling our stories and listening to the stories of others.  Everyone has a story to tell about their lives and their experiences and a Christian’s story is lined with his beliefs and his ideologies, but if we are incapable of hearing stories that are lined with other beliefs and ideologies, then we are being exclusive.

We also try to be considerate.  Applying the Bible to someone who doesn’t believe like we do is pointless and hopeless.  It doesn’t bring anyone to a faith in Jesus Christ.  I am a firm believer that faith in Christ comes from Christ.  We may plant some seeds, but God cultivates and God calls people to Himself and He does it in some very interesting and amazing ways.

Those who aren’t Christian think that we cast judgments on people.  I never thought that this was only a Christian trait, but it isn’t particularly gracious or loving when done by members of the faith.  For a group of people who are supposed to be examples of love and grace in this world, it doesn’t do us any favors to make judgments.   Accepting people on the basis of who they are rather than who we want them to be is an act of mercy.

The Jesus who taught that “blessed are the peacemakers” and “blessed are the merciful,” also taught that the first would be last and the last would be first.  That means that we have to give up the power.  We should always remember that when we start thinking that we are the elect.   We should treat everyone as if they are the elect for they may well be.  We should pour our Grace out among others until people are so convinced by our love that our faith becomes a like a flashlight during a power outage, but should we get too full of ourselves and start thinking that we are the essence of light itself, we need to remember that we don’t shine until we’re plugged in and God is the electricity.

I like to watch spy shows.  I especially love the ones where there is a puzzle that must be figured out in order for the world to be set right.  At some level, everyone’s story is like a puzzle that, when deconstructed, often signals their reasons for being where they are and who they are.  Listening to someone tell their story is often the open portal to a new adventure in relationship, both exciting and intriguing.  For that reason, I guess I am a little like a spy, but in a good way.  I can’t wait to get to the inner you.

Not everyone is like that, I realize.  Most folks don’t delve into relationships with the comfort and ease that I might, but I think that anyone could be better at building and nurturing relationships if they approached them like a spy would.  For instance, spies have to be good listeners.  They have to listen carefully and take notice of the details that someone might share about themselves whether consciously or unconsciously.  These details are the clues to the character of a person, whether they are lying or telling the truth, happy, sad, confident, or nervous. 

Of course, a lot of people think that Christians are spies in a bad way.  That idea probably stems from all the times that people have been befriended only to find out that it was a subversive effort to get them to church.  I wouldn’t like that, either.   Besides, there is more to someone’s spirituality than what goes on Sunday morning.  Spirituality has to do with how we live the rest of the week as well and if it’s out that you are a Christian, it may be that others approach you as if you are an alien.  On the other hand, it may mean that you are the “go-to” person when the going gets tough.  It’s often when things are going wrong that people start looking for the spiritual person.

I think that a lot of our relationship has to do with how we view ourselves.  If we are comfortable in our own skin, in our own faith, it can be very magnetic to others.  On the other hand, if our relationships are strained because we are forcing our faith on others, nothing we do will seem genuine.  We will be like a spy who isn’t good at his job.   Faith is something we do, not something we impose on other people.  God is the one calling others to Himself and He doesn’t necessarily need us.  We are sometimes just one of the tools in His toolbox.

 I’ve listened to a lot of stories from those who cross my path, but I don’t try to apply my own rules or labels to someone else’s story.  Your story is your story.  My story is mine.   I wouldn’t try to filter, change, or ignore who you are, but I would share my story with you and let you share your story as well.  That’s the give and take of relationship, but I warn you, I am going to be trying out my spy skills on you so there’s a good chance that I might be listening, observing, and infiltrating our relationship, but in a good way, always in a good way.

I recently came across an article at CNN.com  about Anne Rice leaving Christianity.  Read the fine print in the article and you find that it isn’t so much that she is leaving Christianity as it is that she’s leaving Christians.  Sometimes, I just can’t blame her.  I’ve felt that same pull to move in the exact opposite direction of many members of the body of Christ as well.  I find myself loving the faith, but not the follower.

I haven’t met too many people who didn’t like Jesus.  He’s a pretty popular guy even among atheists and those in other religions.  What most people object to is the way that Christianity is often boiled down to a few issues and a lot of judgments about what makes a Christian a Christian.  I believe that it’s a shallow look at a faith of great depth and beauty, but I’ve felt it myself in many ways.   Our ministry affords us the opportunity to minister to people in a direct and hands-on way, but when we start offering services to churches of various creeds, we find that we are questioned about where we stand politically, religiously, and morally.  While I can understand the questions, I have difficulty understanding why we would no longer be welcome to assist a church whose political affiliations were different from our own.  Yet, that is the reality.

Those who are new to Christianity these days often find that they like Jesus, but not Christians.   Because some are more outspoken than others, it’s hard to remember that we are a diverse body of Christ.  Christians range from gay pastors to members of the religious right, from snake handlers to purple-haired hosts on TBN, from pastors with cool hair to the austerity of the Amish.  With that diverse of a community, it is hard to believe that there could be a stereotypical Christian or Christianity, for that matter.

Sometimes, I wonder what Jesus would think about His followers today.  If he spent six months walking the countryside, would he marvel at the faith outside the church and shake his head at the lack of it within?  Would he love us all for our differences or reprimand us for our lack of unity?

Maybe we Christians need to start talking about what we agree on, rather than what we disagree on.   A friend of mine recently told me that the recent death of a family member brought together three brothers of her family.  None of the brothers had seen one another for five years since a political discussion had divided them.    That’s a tragedy that we must work to overcome in our faith as well.  Why should secondary issues, such as politics, set us apart from one another?

We tend to minimize the damage done when we polarize our faith.  We tell ourselves that we are standing for what we believe, but how much damage have we done by our efforts to coerce others into our way of thinking?  There is a better way—a greater kind of love often bridges any differences that might exist.

Each week, I have lunch with a different kind of Christian from myself.  She and I can have political discussions without getting angry at one another, and often, we agree quite well on many things.  Of course, I am careful.  I have to be careful that I don’t make any broad statements that I know will offend and she is careful with me.  We have practiced a simple virtue called civility.  This civility means that we don’t make assumptions about one another, we don’t try to win the other to our side, but instead, we champion the efforts that each of us are making in our faith walk.  My friend doesn’t try to change the way I believe, she is content with the fact that I do believe.  I feel the same.  At the end of the journey, our politics, methodology, and our differences will ultimately matter very little because it will be our love for Jesus that will be the binding that holds each chapter together. 

I wish for Anne Rice to have that kind of Christian friend.  One who will stand alongside her and be her faith champion, there to cheer her when she works hard for the faith and to give her a hand when she feels like a failure.   More than that, I wish we could all be that kind of Christian friend.

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This would be well beyond the scope of “ordinary” for most of us, but I thought it was worth sharing because the story didn’t end like these usually do, and Paul and his posse seemed ok about that.

Me and some friends have been hitting some city projects lately just seeing if we could pray and minister to people. My wife saw a girl sitting on a porch and asked if she needed prayer. While she was speaking with her, her boyfriend came out of the house I began to talk with him and ask if he needed prayer. It turns out he was totally deaf in his right ear.

We told him like Jesus said “the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (ref. Luke 10:8). He looked at me kind of strange and I began to explain that means God’s kingdom is right here in our midst. He let us pray for his ear when we ask if it felt any different he said he was feeling pressure in his ear. He also shared he didn’t have an eardrum, we were encouraged figuring if God put a new eardrum in you’d feel some pressure.

We prayed again and then he started to say I can totally hear out of my ear. We were all pretty shocked because we had never witnessed a deaf ear healed. It was awesome. He began to tear up saying he didn’t know why God would do something like that for him. We just shared that it’s because God loves you so much. He wasn’t ready to give his life to the Lord but he was totally blessed. We were able to follow up on them the next few days so that was very cool getting to know them.

–Paul

Note: Asking strangers if you can pray for them can sometimes come across as patronizing, arrogant, or self-righteous (I’m ok, you’re not).  This is a practice that requires a high degree of sensitivity to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Like any spiritual practice, if it’s just a technique to make you feel better about YOU, it’s bogus. But if you’re paying attention to the Spirit…well, almost anything can happen!